Hope
by TheLostMarauder18
Summary: Remus Lupin is tired of this war. What's the point in fighting a losing battle?


Hope

Hope is something in short supply these days. It is a commodity that most of the wizarding world tossed aside in recent years. Voldemort and his Death Eaters had pushed everyone into a pool of despair and pain that was impossible to climb out of. How can anyone dare to hope when their loved ones are being killed left and right and any friend could actually be an enemy.

Remus Lupin was among those who had tossed his hope aside and began to wonder why he was fighting this war. He brushed strands of sandy-blonde hair out of his eyes and took in the scene around him. Trails of smoke rose from smouldering piles that used to be homes and the ground was scorched from the spells that had missed their targets. With a sigh he began to make his way down what used to be the little villages main street toward those of his comrades who had survived.

The Order of the Phoenix had been dispatched to investigate Death Eater activity in this area and they found more than they bargained for. Upon arrival to the little town of Blackstone Hamlet, the Order was accosted by several Death Eaters who had been lying in wait for the unprepared scouting party. The ensuing battle cost half of the eight members lives and the village was decimated claiming many of the inhabitants lives as well.

Upon reaching the trio Remus turned to the man in charge of their party, a man with black hair reaching down to his shoulders and gray eyes that used to be filled with mirth until the war changed them. Sirius Black had changed from the irresponsible boy he once was into a man hardened by seeing his friends die in the countless fights against the Death Eaters. Remus could see on his face that he was blaming himself for their comrades deaths like their was something he should have done differently. After all they had been best friends for a decade so he knew what Sirius was thinking.

"You couldn't have known. I wont let you take all of this out on yourself." Remus put a hand on his old friends shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "Were it not for your leadership we and this entire village would be gone."

Sirius gave a light growl and shrugged off Remus' hand. He gestured toward the wreckage of the homes and said in a wavery voice,"Look around you Remus! I didn't save anything! I should've had us apparate a little outside of town so we could evaluate the situation, but instead I planted us in a death trap." He turned on his heel and began to move away from his comrades who were giving downcast looks at the cobblestone path.

"I'll talk to him, you two go ahead and report back to headquarters. Let Dumbledore know all the details of what happened." They both nodded and turned on the spot and vanished with a pop. After their departure Remus strode towards the beam of charred wood a despondent Sirus had perched upon.

He sat next to him and sat in silence waiting to see if the man would say anything. Sirius gave Remus a sideways glance and asked,"Why does Dumbledore think I should be in charge of anything. If James could've been here everything would be fine. The Vances and the Macdonalds would still be alive along with this entire village. This catastrophe is on my shoulders." He rested his forehead in the palm of his hand and fell silent.

It was strange for Remus to hear his normally confident friend doubt himself. Things had become more difficult ever since James and Lily Potter had been forced into hiding at Dumbledores insistince. The two of them were excellent assets and were feared by the Death Eaters. But he doubted the results of this mission would've been much different with their participation. This was a trap plain and simple.

"Even if he and Lily were here we would have lost friends and this village. They were ready for us and they have probably been planning this for a while. You fought brilliantly and drove them away before they could be totally victorious." Comforting others wasn't his forte, but Remus tried his best to be there for his friend.

With a sad smile Sirius responded,"Small consolation that. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better old friend, but time will be the only thing that can heal this. That and the end of this bloody war." With a grunt he stood up and looked down at the still sitting Remus. "Lets go back to headquarters and give Dumbledore our report. I can't stay here any longer."

"You go on ahead," Remus said as he stood with a sigh. "I'll wait for the team from St. Mungos and represent the Order." He wanted to be alone for a bit even if it was dangerous to do so here.

Sirius gave a nod and pulled him into a tight embrace. "Be careful, Remus. I don't know what I would've done if I'd lost you today. If they come back disaparate imediately. Promise."

Remus patted him on the back and they seperated. "I promise. Now get out of here before you start trying to snog me."

Much to his surprise Sirius laughed. "Ha you wish, Moony! Only the finest ladies get to have that pleasure." Afterwards his smile faded and he looked to Remus again. "Seriously though, be careful. I'll wait for you at headquarters. With a final wave he turned on the spot and vanished.

The air was still now and Remus was completely alone. He had a few minutes before the St. Mungos team came to take care of the bodies of those who had been lost today. Disbelief flowed through Remus' thoughts, disbelief at how anyone could be capable of such cruelty against those who were different from them. Voldemort and his followers despised anyone who wasn't magical and purity meant everything to them. Being a werewolf Remus was familiar with being hated for what he was.

As a boy he had been shunned by those who knew of his condition and he suffered constantly because of it. That was until he began attending Hogwarts and met his friends: James, Sirius, and of course little Peter Pettigrew. They accepted him completely and even learned to become animagi to be with him when he transformed on the full moon. Those were the best days of his life.

When he was thrust into the world after graduation he quickly rediscovered the prejudice his friends had helped him forget. Work was impossible to come by when people judged you for what you were and the Order was the only place he could be useful. He had always intended on joining, but the Order wasn't a paying career. Dumbledore's generosity kept him fed and off the streets but his clothes were very shabby and he couldn't afford anything remotely luxurious.

That never bothered him though because he was fighting for something bigger, an end to this war and equality between muggleborns and pure-bloods. The latter would probably never completely happen but it was nice to think it would. Hate ran too deep to disappear totally.

When he was in school this war seemed so far away. Laughing and joking with his friends, studying for exams and thinking about girls were his priorities back then. Now they were to survive and protect everyone he could. Remembering how much hope he had back then was almost funny. If only he had known how difficult this would be he would have tempered his expectations.

War had made the bright-eyed teenager that was so full of hope into a downtrodden young man who was about to give up on what he believed in. What was the point in fighting? What could defeat so much hate? A short time ago he would have said love could conquer all. Dumbledore was of the same belief and told Remus to never let go of that conviction.

It was silly to think that something like that could defeat such power. The Dark Lord used fear like a weapon and it was effective. Love didn't stop friends and family from being killed by that monster and his followers and it didn't keep you alive. Death is the true victor in all things and death would end this war for Remus.

Every battle he fought brought him closer to giving up and he found himself hoping that maybe he wouldn't survive the next one. He knew it was selfish so he fought his hardest for the sake of those around him. The aftermath would always bring these same thoughts of doubt and despair. Why fight this losing battle? Voldemort's influence grew stronger everyday and it couldn't be stopped.

A series of pops brought Remus out of his pensive state, the team had arrived. Shaking the dark thoughts from his mind he marched over to them and gave them his account of the battle and offered to help any way he could. The mediwitch he was speaking with was a short, stout lady who seemed to be experienced with battlefields and was one of the few not shocked by the surrounding area. In a gruff voice she told Remus,"You've done plenty deary we'll take it from here. As a matter of fact I have good news for you."

The werewolf tilted his head curiously and asked what it was. She gave him a small smile and said,"Lily and James Potter had their baby today. It's a boy and they've named him Harry. They're still at the hospital if you'd like to see them."

A smile spread across Remus' face and his eyes lit up. His friends had their baby and he couldn't be happier. However that feeling washed away when he came to the realization that this child had been born into such a world. War is no time for a new life to begin.

He thanked the woman for telling him and walked away from the ruined village towards the field that outskirted it. Looking at the dusky sky he thought about how happy his friends must be right now. James and Lily were ecstatic when they found out they were having a child and Remus was happy for them. So why couldn't he be happy now? What changed ?

Wind whipped his hair around as he thought deeply to himself. Sirius was no doubt excited and was most likely there this very moment. The events of today wouldn't keep him from celebrating the new addition to the Potter family. A fact that made Remus happy. Maybe now the weight on Sirius' shoulders would be eased.

Visiting them right now seemed like a bad idea to Remus. Bringing down the party with his gloomy disposition wouldn't be right at all. Thoughts of what the child might be like swam around his mind and caused him to wonder what he would be like when he was grown up. Would he be a well-behaved model student like his mother, or would he be the class clown like James? A smile once again formed on Remus' worn face. He wanted to see this boy grow up in a peaceful world.

After feeling lost for so long the young werewolf found his reason for fighting. He would fight for this childs future and for the future of everyone. Giving in to despair will only ensure defeat. This child would be happy and have those same experiences he had when he was with the ones he loved. Lily and James' son would live in a world without fear, a world without Voldemort.

The smile on his face grew wider and he gave a small laugh. What an idiot he had been. Falling into despair had been so easy that he hadn't really fought it until now. In a way this thing that has changed the lives of his friends has changed his as well. It was something that brought him from the brink of giving up to retrieving that which he had lost. Remus Lupin had found a way to hope again.

After taking in a cleansing breathe Remus decided he needed to be with his friends right now. It was time to reconnect with the old Remus that loved his friends so fiercely that he would do anything to protect them. A fresh start was exactly what he needed and this was clearly his chance at it. With a faint pop he dissapeared into the night so he could introduce himself to this boy named Harry Potter.


End file.
